Random Quotes from Calvin

February 20, 2018

I found a piece of paper where I wrote some stuff that Calvin said when he was 4 or 5 years old.

“I don’t like to shake my head. What if other people think I am silly.”

“I like it when people wave at me. I feel famous”

“I feel down. Like a loser” When he lost a card game (钓鱼). I commended him for being a good sport.

 

Another one recently,

” When I go to college, I’ll be so happy, I might bump all night” He supposedly bumps around on his bed when he’s excited about something the next day.

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Inspiration for Chinese

February 13, 2018

After reading a lot of what others have done to get their kids learning Chinese, I’m pretty sure Calvin will never reach a native proficiency without a lot of painful sacrifices of time and effort on both our part. That’s fine because it was never really my intention. I’ve always been focused on keeping up his interest in the language and giving him the basics so that he can pick it up further if interested. It was also partial insurance in case we have to go back to Singapore and he really needs a second language.

That said, I think I may need to pick up the pace of learning for him or he’ll be depriving instead of maintaining some Chinese proficiency. I think I haven’t been deliberate enough in introducing new vocabulary to him so I might work on that as he practices his reading daily. I haven’t been giving him any writing sheets either especially when we have been working on programming in Scratch. I guess I’m lucky that he can even understand enough to watch Doraemon cartoons in Chinese, which helps gives some televance to his learning.

Going on strike

February 7, 2018

Kiddoes in school talking about going on strike if the substitute teachet is around so thay she won’t get paid. They think she’s too harsh over minor transgressions. There was talk about rebelling. Well apparently going on strike means they all do not go to school. I’m not sure this is going to work.

Finding His Path

January 23, 2018

I’m worried about helping Calvin find something he really wants to do with his life. I never quite got down that path. My childhood was basically following this path that the system laid out and I find myself more than a little lost when it was time to choose a major. Sometimes I feel like it was more by elimination than a true choice. School lays out a path that doesn’t encourage exploration and it’s easy to get distracted by the goal of getting high scores. That’s something I hope we can delve into over the summer.

I read some homeschool blog dismissing the education public schools give because of the lack of passion kids have for things that are forced on them. But she goes to say that kids will learn math and reading by themselves anyway and she isn’t worried that her two boys are two or three grade levels below in math and/or reading. I agree with some of it but people really have a tendency to see only in black or white (she said school was basically for parents addicted to government paid childcare). I don’t think it’s clearly good or bad, just that it clearly won’t work for everyone and you shouldn’t shit on other people’s choices to make yourself feel better about your less conventional decision.

Dealing with Frustration

January 18, 2018

So little guy is now a yellow belt in karate and has been trying to tie his belt himself. I’ve taught him a few times before via scaffolding — I tie it almost all the way and he does the last part. Except he doesn’t seem to remember most of it now.

But… he’s still stuck on “I know this and I will do this myself” mode so he’s been struggling with tying it the whole week. He would spend 5 minutes doing it by himself, never thinking about asking for help. It would be time to go and he was all frustrated that it didn’t work out and insist that I help him right now! Today he was moping the whole 10 min car ride about “why won’t my belt tie?” Like someone had played a prank on him and rendered his belt unmanageable. He was kicking the back of the seat in frustration. And then he sulked when I couldn’t to his belt right outside the car because it was raining hard. So I had to tie it right outside the dojo while holding on to the umbrella and while wearing my gloves.

I’m not sure why I don’t indulge him more when he’s already frustrated but somehow I get annoyed when he expects me to drop everything and help. Am I worried about his dependence on me? I think I have to accept that as he grows he’ll vacillate between dependence and independence and I shouldn’t begrudge him when he tries to be independent but realize he wants to be helped. In my head, I seem to think that once he decides to be independent, he should persevere at it but it should be ok if he wants to show me a moment of weakness. I definitely need to work on my own flexibility. Grouchy mama, back down!

End of Another Year

December 6, 2017

I’ve somehow let November pass me by without blogging. I guess I’ve been flitting from one mini project to another and it’s been sapping a lot of my mental energy and I end up zombifying in front of the computer most days when I do have time.

And what started as an ambitious task to feel more involved in the school community is weighing me down considerably. I think I’m happy to be on the margins of the community. Or perhaps more accurately, to dwell in little circles within and be thrust in the middle of it, feeling lost and perhaps even more lonely than before. I’ve always had a problem about loneliness in a crowd. Next year I’m definitely trying something else.

Me and Calvin has been having some disagreements/ arguments/ nagging sessions?!?, mostly due to his inability to pay proper attention. He’ll make the same mistakes over and over, even when I remind him right before the task… Seriously, I think he might have  the inattentive type ADHD – careless in his work, disorganized, distracted when talked to,  doesn’t follow through on instructions/ chores.

I kinda thought I might have the inattentive type too.  I’m certainly careless enough in my work and was constantly misplacing my keys (seems to be getting better) but I don’t have problems making myself complete school work or losing things. So maybe I’m only mildly so.

So I’ve taken to re-reading Playful Parenting again, which I read when he was 3 or 4? I just need the right perspective so I can talk to him in a way that doesn’t involve just angry and frustrated nagging.

Despite that, I think he’s growing up great. He just turned 8 last week and seems to be thriving in school. We met his teacher and there were no big surprises – need to stay on task more and work on his handwriting legibility. Calvin doesn’t think he’s good at math though so I’m glad we work on it at home so he’d not feel totally lost in class. He’s even more careless than me and he doesn’t even finish his work quickly enough to check his work.

I do also get distracted like somehow I started reading reviews for random stuff instead of finishing this post….. I guess I really need to be more understanding of him when he does get distracted and gently bring him back or teach him to reel himself back to the current reality.

Busy

October 31, 2017

I’ve been more busy than ever this year, with way too many ‘projects’ that I have for myself. For one, the whole PTA project is taking up way more of my time than I had thought and it’s also a lot less enjoyable as well. Dealing with people reminds me of the differences in others that bothers me – a tendency to favor convenience over accuracy and correctness. It kinda scares me that people who seem fairly comfortable with numbers (I’m assuming since they volunteered for the task) making such fundamental errors. I’m definitely not continuing this experiment next year. Well, at least I tried.

I’m still trying to figure out if I want to go back to work and what I would do if I were. So I’m brushing up some technical skills in the meantime, just to see how much I like it. Half the time, I feel like I’m learning something that won’t ever get used and I get discouraged., but it all has to start somewhere.

I’m trying to practice my social skills by putting myself out there to be with other parents. Sometimes I worry that I’m acting too…… desperate but I’m trying my best and if it doesn’t work, then that’s a learning experience in itself. Really, the worst that can happen are some wasted hours and a bruised self esteem. I think now that I have found my wonderful soulmate, I feel strong enough to venture out and just try. I’ve been learning more about myself and also to be kinder to myself when I’m clumsy or make mistakes. I think I’m in a good place though I still get so anxious that I can’t fall asleep some nights (that or it was the double cups of Chinese tea I drank right before I slept…..)

I’m still reading a wide assortment of parenting, psychology and motivation books so I could be a better life coach and mother.

I guess when there’s so much you are excited and want to do, that’s what makes you feel alive.

 

Fighting with Self Doubt

October 21, 2017

It’s funny how in the process of learning about how best to help my little guy, I learn more about myself because we are so similar in temperament. That motivated me to change myself because I want to help him be the best him he could be and venture out bravely to try new things. It feels hypocritical to not believe in what I preach and hence I started my adventures this year.

For one, I’m definitely socially awkward, in part because I’ve found it such a pain to deal with people in unscripted settings that I’ve avoided most of it. Just like cooking, I’m not aspiring to reach the pinnacle of sociability but I hope that I’ll grow confident of my skills if I keep on practicing them.

I find that I’m often battling between my desire to avoid conflict and my principles of doing what is right. Does that make me inflexible? I guess along the way, I’ll botch many of my encounters, just like how some meals get ruined as I try out new things,  and with good intentions in my heart, I’ll just have to forge forward and be satisfied with it. I’ll certainly not get better if I cloister myself. I’ll pat myself on the back for making the effort to socialize with people where the old me would excuse myself in assorted ways to avoid that awkward feeling of uncertainty.  There are days when I get sick of having to deal with others and wish I didn’t choose to do challenge and I should be kind to myself if I need a break.

 

It’s Ok to be Me

October 10, 2017

Sometimes, I go through the wildest feelings of happiness and contentment and then at times, a general pessimism and hopelessness that everything will not go right and that I really want to give up right now. Sometimes I think that perhaps everyone feels that way and hide their negativity so that others only see the sunny side of things. On the hand, I’ve often found that people generally think quite differently from me. I vacillate between that feeling that maybe everyone is kinda similar but also quite alien.  Perhaps the answer lies in between – that there are more like me than I know it but probably not very common.

I think sometimes I just need to feel like I’m me, I’m different and it’s ok. I used to think it was ironic that people want to be unique but at the same time, want to be just like everyone else. Now I know it’s because what we really want is to be truly ourselves and be accepted despite the differences.

So I’m working on finding people who will accept me for who I am. I’ll probably fail many times and feel hurt and scared in the process, but I think I’ll be ok. I think I’m finally brave enough to keep forging forward.

 

 

Highly Sensitive

September 22, 2017

Growing up with little C is truly a journey to understand myself. While there are many who thrive on travelling to exciting places and doing new things, I revel in exploring the inner workings of my mind. I (over)analyze myself and wonder why. As little C grows up, I’m finding that he is temperamentally very much in the mold of  me. As I try to help him, I realize that those advice I would have loved to hear when I was younger and also that it’s not too late to heed them.

He is a really sensitive little guy – tags in clothing annoy him to no end, startles easily, doesn’t perform well when someone is watching, some movies that are not meant to be scary scare him, perfectionist (or is it a fear of failure…. not quite the same but some types of behavior though… ), worries about dying , etc   (http://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/)  Many things make sense now on hindsight, like how he cried the first time we stood around and sang happy birthday to him, him fussing in crowded/ dark/ funny smelling restaurants, being extra cautious on the playground. SO the funny thing is as I read about dealing with sensitive kids, I finally realize I was one too. I even had a friend tell me that I’m really sensitive but brushed it off then because I probably thought that everyone was just like me.

So what does it mean to be highly sensitive? According to Dr Elaine Aron,  a highly sensitive person has “a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.” The good news is that even though I didn’t have a label for my preferences and behaviour, I have been aware of what I needed. It is quite interesting when I made the connection with how I like my vacations relaxing with plenty of time to go back to the quiet of a hotel room and recover from the onslaught of new sensations before venturing out again.

But it also means that I have a tendency to get into my cozy place and never wanting to change or get out of my comfort zone and endure the awkwardness of making new friends. I’ve been gently prodding the little guy into trying things he is afraid of for the longest time. (At times, not so gentle, but I’ve learnt better since…) It was in that spirit of teaching by showing that I chose to do something I normally wouldn’t – join the PTA committee and I am really glad I did. At first, I thought it would be a good setting for getting to know other parents. I had to remind myself that being an introvert doesn’t make me bad at small talk, it is the fact I don’t practicing adult social skills that makes me more anxious when I do need them.  So I’ve started my self assigned task of looking for new friends because I’ll never meet any if I just sit at home and read.