It’s All Worth It

I think all parents find their babies simply adorable. This is supposed to be because they resemble ourselves. I was slightly worried during pregnancy that I would even find our baby bothersome since I was never the type to go gaga over other people’s babies. A not so long time back, I thought I would never want to have kids. But luckily, as evolution would have it, my maternal instincts kick in as I look at our little one grow stronger and more active by the day. And all I have to go through and possibly have to give up, all seem worth it.  Though of course, I’m still not going to play Mozart music, show flash cards or send him to some montessori school.

But if you ask me now if I’ll have kid #2, I’m not so sure what my answer will be. Right after labor, I actually thought it wasn’t as bad as I imagined, considering I had no pain relief apart from the gas thingy. After a day or so, when the shock from going into labor had worn off, recollection of the pain, esp from the jabs and the episiotomy, really put me off. And by now, time has somewhat dulled the memory of it all.

Anyway, it’s still a decision we’ll be making further down the road. We won’t be having another child in the next 2 years as I’m more likely to have another premature baby if I do. The strain of having your baby in the hospital is also something I would hope not to have to go through again. Everyday, I would obsess over how much weight Calvin has gained. For instance, there was a period when he gained only 6g per day. Imagine going down to essentially the weight of one sheet of A4 paper. I was starting to think he’d be staying at KKH for an extra month…  But recently he’s been putting on weight well after they fortified the expressed breast milk he’s drinking. Last week alone, he put on about 150g.

I find myself also dreading the initial moments of stepping into the NICU/ Special Care Nursery, in case the nurse informs me that Calvin had developed some complications/had gotten worse or I see new tubes attached to him.  Not that it has actually happened but I’m paranoid that way.

Just realized that I haven’t been taking as many pictures of him lately. Every time I’m there, I’m too eager to hold him in my arms. It’s very reassuring to see him smiling contentedly when he is held. The picture below is one of the few we have with his eyes opened. We still can’t decide who he looks like though we definitely agree he has the same button nose that I have.

29Nov09@Special Care Nursery

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