I need my “Me” Time

On days when I feel more depressed, I’d feel like I’m nothing more than an overqualified milk dispenser and diaper changer. I’m sure it’s a phase that will pass but right now, there just isn’t much time between feeding and changing diapers every 3 hrs and expressing milk every two hours (after the 2 day fever, which I suspect is due to mastitis, my supply dropped significantly so I’m trying to build it back). Just trying to go out of the house can be a big logistic problem.

There’s also the worry that he’ll catch something if we go outside because he’s so small and weak. The other day when Johnny wasn’t feeling well, I caught myself wondering if I should try to catch his sickness so I can pass the antibodies to baby Calvin through the breastmilk. So far we’ve managed one trip to the grocery store with him strapped to the Ergo carrier and one short walk around our neighborhood. I think I really need at least one trip out a week to keep my sanity. It gets a bit lonely with no one to talk to the whole day except baby, as cute as he looks. In the evening when Johnny is back, I have nothing to tell him except baby stuff anyway. I really can’t wait for Calvin to grow up a little so I can at least go out and get things done if I want to. Or does that never happen at all? I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

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