Soul searching

I’m so busy playing the domestic mama role these days that I sometimes wonder if I truly get any fulfillment out of what I do. It’s not that I begrudge what I have to do. In fact, I’m very happy yo be participating in calvin’s growth actively. He is very happy and healthy and is growing rapidly, more so than at daycare I suspect (That kinda makes me feel guilty for wanting to put him in a 3 day per week nursery next year). I also enjoy feeding both him and J yummy food that they both seem to enjoy even though it can be tiring sometimes to think of what to eat everyday. (didn’t help that the microwave went kaput so I have more trouble warming up leftovers) I’m generally happy though it can get really tiring when J doesn’t have time to help take the little rascal off my hands.

I guess the thing that really troubles me is the lack of intellectual stimulation. Not that there was much of it before we started this whole PhD journey, but this doesn’t seem like the ideal end state for me. I guess I’m contemplating taking another degree/ masters or something when this is over. Oh well, we’ll see how things go from here. Meanwhile, I’m starting to read a lot more than before since Calvin will grab my iPad demanding to watch his videos, so this iPad has become some illicit device that is hidden from view except at designated viewing periods. Sigh….. Oh well, at least some good come out of it. I did tell you that my eyesight improved vastly after childbirth? Who would have thunk that would be one of the benefits of having a kid?

Calvin is great as usual though he can be quite the tyrant at home, ordering us around to get this, get that, read the same book over and over, command us to bring him for a walk etc. He has his share of little tantrums but none as bad as I had feared. Maybe it’s because his linguistic prowess allows him to communicate sufficiently with us which lessens his frustration? I’ve head that the terrible twos usually start around 18-24 months so I’m hoping that it’s already over rather than this being the tip of the iceberg. I don’t have that many pictures of him nowadays unfortunately because he seems to think the camera is another video viewing device where he can see himself playing… So most of the pictures are fuzzy and the videos are of him rushing over demanding to see ‘baby baby’


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