Butting Heads with the Little Man

I must be getting old….for the past week, I’ve been thinking about things I wanted to write about Calvin during the day and by the time I actually sit down to do it, nothing comes to my mind.

Well, for the past week, we’ve been having some trouble getting him to sleep in the afternoon or at night. I can tell he is obviously sleepy but he’s just reluctant to lie down and actually try to sleep, saying “I don’t want to close my eyes, then I can’t see my toys”. I tried leaving him alone to play with his toys but he just ended up playing for almost two hours before I couldn’t take it anymore and forced him to put the toys away and just lie quietly. It was hard having fights like that with him. I felt like most of my day was spent lying in bed waiting for him to fall asleep. After talking over it with J and working out my own feelings, I decided to try another tack instead. Rather than make this a power struggle and making him associate sleep with something unpleasant, I thought I should just spend more time with him before sleep having fun in bed bouncing and rolling around. I think I’ve been so tired I must not have been paying enough attention to him during the day. Since we spend a lot of time just lying around in bed not doing anything fun, what time I have to spare have been spent cooking or indulging in my own entertainment. I guess that makes it a vicious cycle. Well, surprisingly, that, together with not allowing him to bring his more engaging building toys to bed, seems to have made a difference so bedtimes are more manageable now. Even though he still threw a tantrum this afternoon, I somehow managed to placate him and he fell asleep within 10 minutes of lying down. I guess he really picks off from my mood — when I’m patient and talk to him about his choices and understanding what he wants, he calmed down pretty quickly. Sometimes, I get impatient with him and use a commanding tone with him and that surely sets off the stubborn streak in him.

I’ve been watching a lot of Japanese dramas recently (making up for all the lost time??) and I really enjoyed watching the one about family life and I think it really help to get me thinking about how to be a better mother or wife. I mean it’s all rather cliché if you put it in words but the presentation makes all the difference when it comes to accepting a new way of thinking. The fact that I’m not working has really made me feel like I’m not making the most of my life but at the end of the day, I’m happy with the decisions I have made. Putting off my career and focusing on family first isn’t that bad a compromise to make. I just have to do a lot more thinking to see what I can do in the future for my own personal self fulfillment.

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