Identity Crisis?

At one point, I was worried that my role as a wife and mother has suppressed my self as just simply me. I find myself cooking the food that both the big and small boys enjoy and I draw a blank when I think about what I would like to eat. I mean this is me who traveled to Japan repeatedly just to eat my favorite ramen/ sashimi bowl/ Lawson rice balls instead of going to new exotic places with my yearly free airline ticket. I live to eat. Or rather, I travel to eat. I don’t think I can get excited about traveling to a country if it does not have food that interests me. This has changed as I find myself eager to show Calvin the world that we experience the world we only see in books… France, London, New york, Japan etc.

In self doubting moments (especially when lacking sleep), I worry that I’m being forced into being who I am not. I accept now that this willing “self” sacrifice is a part of being a mother and also a supportive partner. I have simply become mature enough to handle placing other’s needs before my own. I still indulge in my many little leisure activities, like reading novels, perusing manga, playing mobile games, looking for new recipes etc. There is just too many things demanding my time and sometimes I wish I  do nothing, forget the cleanup and just enjoy time with Calvin doing fun things like reading books, building, exploring the outdoors etc. Except it has to be done and I am the person to do it so.

 

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