Defiance

Most days, C is like the lovely angelic child that makes me feel really loved and lucky. But in other times, he makes me worry like crazy especially with the emergence of his defiant behavior. Sometimes, when I corrected him about something, it sets off his defiant oppositional mood and he will deliberately reject whatever requests I make, no matter how sensible or how minor.

The other day, we were practicing his karate moves and I wanted to help correct his squatting posture. He was standing too close to me and I was worried that he’ll let out a flying punch right at my face so I asked if he could take a step back. First he said “No, I’m not punching anyway”. In hindsight, I could have just made it a non-issue if I gave in a moved myself but I wasn’t happy that he would say no to such a small request. After some back and forth, he decided that he would turn around instead. Again, maybe I should have just let him be since he was indeed respecting my need to be safe but I wasn’t happy with his defiance that has surfaced again and again. Maybe he just needed some semblance of control, maybe he feels like that saves him face.  Maybe he just needs his parents to cede some power to him too. At least we managed to talk it out in the end, and I got to point out that he was saying no to my request not because it didn’t make sense but because he wasn’t happy with me for some other thing prior.

This morning, we had a minor disagreement when I asked him to let me use the sink but he ignored me and continued to preparing his toothbrush. I managed to calmly explain to him why it’s not OK to keep quiet and why he should explain in words that I can have a turn after he quickly washes his toothbrush etc. So we did a do-over and he seemed happy.

Maybe we need to do some practice in effective communication. I find that he can’t seem to say the right words to tell people what they need to know and that really doesn’t serve him well. Like he goes on this rambling, beat about the bush way that makes you have to guess at his meaning. We have a lot to work on. Somehow the worrying never stops, it just grows along with the child.

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Edit: I got a call from school today because they thought he was absent. I got a big shock since he went on the school bus. Then I found out he was late to class (and thus marked absent) because he was tardy to go in. I jumped the gun and thought he was defiant and didn’t want to go in, which made me kinda worried the rest of the morning. Well, he’s back and according to him, he just couldn’t find his backpack and took too long and so missed attendance. Eh heh, just my over-imaginative brain at work again *sheepish*

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