Archive for December, 2018

Praise and positive reinforcement

December 18, 2018

One thing that I really did not get enough of when I was young was probably praise. I don’t really recall being praised by my parents. In the work environment too, the focus tends to be more on the negatives that need to be fixed than on the positives that you have. At work, that made me feel unappreciated and more like a cog in the machinery. The managers I’ve had did not care about personal development at all. Without anyone to model from, I felt like my parenting was falling into the same trap of looking only at the problems that need solving and not the strengths I should celebrate.

According to a research, couples with the best relationship have a ratio of 1 negative to 7 positive utterances. So I’ve been working on scaffolding him on things he’s working on and finding smaller milestones where I can praise him instead of waiting for the perfection before declaring success.

So if it was karate, we focus only on just one move at a time and evaluate based on just that move. Of course it all has to come together in the end, but I think these check points encourage him and also help him to learn to break down the problems into more manageable parts.